ilikebeingsickanddisabled

t h e w o r l d o f i n v i s i b l e i l l n e s s

Effect of invisible (hidden) disability on relationship

Most couples experience predictable problems at different stages of each individual’s life and stages of the relationship. Couples where one or both partners experience invisible chronic illness/disability experience the same problems, only more so and in additional ways.

3 WORDS MEN HATE TO HEAR

  Women, can you think of the last time your man brought up something that bugged him about you? Maybe it was that you talked to your friends too much, your mother too much, or him too much. But unless really, really pushed – like during an argument – men aren’t usually relationship-complainers; at least mine isn’t. It’s not that women do more talking than men – that truism got […]

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NO CURE FOR THIS PAIN

In a blend of contradictory emotions – from ecstasy to torture – human beings repeatedly demonstrate an addiction to love much the same as an addiction to, say, nicotine or cocaine. That’s not surprising, since the same reward circuitry in the brain reinforces both.   Feeling good comes from neuro- and biochemicals, too, like oxytocin and seratonin. Love’s intense longing and pining are singularly human and serve an evolutionary purpose:  no […]

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WE GOT TO LIVE TOGETHER.

The watchword of Sly & The Family Stone, a multiethnic band from the late sixties, was about being accepted for yourself.  Their everyday people were skinny, rich, fat, drummers, bankers, long hairs, short hairs, white, green, blue, and black. You get the picture. “Everyday People” songwriters Sylvester Steward and Todd Thomas didn’t say anything about married people in the 1968 chart topper, but I’m sure they would’ve had marriage been […]

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“YOU PUT MY HEART IN THE CLOSET.”

A young military couple, married a short time, sat on the loveseat in my counseling office. With no college and not much rank, the husband’d learned at The School of Hard Knocks about irresponsible purchases, credit card debt, and overspending in general. Some women are easy to buy for:   Some of us are into birthstones.  Others die for pampering massages, facials and manis.  Me, I’d kill for a personal chef and […]

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7 TRUTHS ABOUT COUPLES THERAPY

Junk. That’s the name I give to those reams of paper already printed on one side, fit only for recycling.  The remains of old binders of stuff from grad school account for this week’s batch of junk paper for my printer. Like a paper I’d written almost 20 years ago:  Assumptions, Approaches and Issues in Marital Therapy:  A Personal Definition. Amazingly, what I believed then, minus the naïveté and lack […]

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CAN MILLENIALS AFFORD TO BE DISABLED?

Millenials:  They’re (over)educated,tech savvy, passionate about social causes, and cocky. Also called the Peter Pan Generation, these 20- and 30-somethings seem confident that the U.S. will change for the better in many social and economic ways, even as they resign themselves to a future without Social Security. A wave of immigrants greater than the one in the early 20th Century will become part of a country already becoming culturally and […]

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IT TAKES TWO TO DO-SI-DO

Doin’ the do-si-do’s impossible to do by yourself.  I spent lots of years hanging out with girlfriends or not hanging out at all, which was more likely to be true. Most times, none of us even had someone who filled in for love. I’m not ashamed to say there are times I would’ve settled – my need for affiliation was that great – at least for awhile.  Although I did […]

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