ilikebeingsickanddisabled

t h e w o r l d o f i n v i s i b l e i l l n e s s

Marriage

THE #1 REASON WE DON’T LIKE THE HOLIDAYS

Expectations. Say what you want about weariness, family dysfunction, commercialism, overeating and overspending.  Or that the sun’s been AWOL for 7 days straight and what’s left of the snow looks like it fell from a volcano.  Any number of stress disorders, worries about money, and disliking your own relatives (including Mother) count for nothing when a houseful’s coming, it’s your turn to entertain, and hubby’s at hockey with the kids. […]

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CASTING A SPELL: EASIER THAN YOU THINK

Casting a spell is done by the lovers among us; no exorcism needed.   Anyone who’s had a broken heart knows words and potions don’t work anyway.  And, unless you’re a crazy cat lady, the likelihood of being under the spell of a lover’s words is far greater than being enchanted by a black cat. Loving someone calls out parts of us untouched by anything else. Loving and being loved is the genesis […]

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING HAPPY

  If you’re allergic to dogs, happiness is not a warm puppy. Metaphors about puppies, or anything else, are potentially dangerous.  Even knowing where happiness — like any other emotion — occurs on the emotional spectrum doesn’t give the whole story. The only way to really know about someone else’s happiness is for you to ask and them to tell. Thinking in deep and different ways about happiness isn’t easy.  Here […]

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WHEN A CAREGIVER DIES

    First published on Disability.gov For 70 years she put up with his (sometimes volcanic) rumblings.  He doted on her with diamonds, and was a poorer father for it. The youngest of 5 much older siblings, she was babied into being passive and timid.  He was a blustering bad boy who loved control; a lifelong natural at most things mechanical.  He took seriously his duties as a man, a spouse, […]

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7 TRUTHS ABOUT COUPLES THERAPY

Junk. That’s the name I give to those reams of paper already printed on one side, fit only for recycling.  The remains of old binders of stuff from grad school account for this week’s batch of junk paper for my printer. Like a paper I’d written almost 20 years ago:  Assumptions, Approaches and Issues in Marital Therapy:  A Personal Definition. Amazingly, what I believed then, minus the naïveté and lack […]

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IT TAKES TWO TO DO-SI-DO

Doin’ the do-si-do’s impossible to do by yourself.  I spent lots of years hanging out with girlfriends or not hanging out at all, which was more likely to be true. Most times, none of us even had someone who filled in for love. I’m not ashamed to say there are times I would’ve settled – my need for affiliation was that great – at least for awhile.  Although I did […]

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HAVE SEX OR DO LAUNDRY?

No brainer, right?  But for many women, it’s not as stupid a question as you’d think. The 21st Century may see a socioeconomic shift in favor of women, e.g. more upper-level management positions, more business owners, greater control of wealth. Success comes at a price; working harder for longer hours upsets the already teetering balance among personal, relationship, and family demands.  Another price?  Women are just as likely to experience […]

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IT BEGINS AGAIN. HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE FOR 2014

I love presents; who doesn’t?  Wrapped or unwrapped, gifts can be delightful.  And while this holiday giving season is over, shopping for next year’s holiday has already begun. My gift to you is a gift-giving guide of sorts.   Garnered from over a quarter-century of giving presents great and small here are some pointers: Buy now based on later. That little boy will be a year older by time the next […]

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‘TIS THE SEASON TO LOSE BIG CLUMPS OF HAIR

“God bless us, every one.” I think Tiny Tim got really chilled waiting in line on Black Friday. And Cyber Monday. Come to think of it, somebody told me he was at the mall the other day, too.  Amazing, since he hit the deck real hard when he lost a tug of war over some on-sale Levi’s.  Gotta give him credit for gettin’ back on the horse. Poor guy. We […]

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