ilikebeingsickanddisabled

t h e w o r l d o f i n v i s i b l e i l l n e s s

WHAT ZOMBIES CAN TEACH YOU ABOUT FAMILY HISTORY

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  Every zombie has a family.  And on the first and second days of November that zombie’s family, and thousands of others throughout Mexico, is honored in a celebration with 3,000 year old roots – Dia de los Muertos. Like an Irish wake or an African-American jazz funeral, Day of the Dead is a combination mourning and celebration held to honor those who have died.  Entire cemeteries are cheery with flowers, lit by […]

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CASTING A SPELL: EASIER THAN YOU THINK

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Casting a spell is done by the lovers among us; no exorcism needed.   Anyone who’s had a broken heart knows words and potions don’t work anyway.  And, unless you’re a crazy cat lady, the likelihood of being under the spell of a lover’s words is far greater than being enchanted by a black cat. Loving someone calls out parts of us untouched by anything else. Loving and being loved is the genesis […]

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SUICIDE ISN’T JUST ABOUT DEPRESSION

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(This blog was first published by Disability.gov.)  In the mega-wattage aimed at Robin Williams’ suicide everyone had something to say.  But when all was said, everything went back to the way it’s always been when mental health’s the issue. The disabled or chronically ill population often inhabits a landscape where mental health is a place of shifting sands; they know that psychological symptoms are only part of the territory.  And […]

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WHY DISABILITY INCLUSION WON’T WORK

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This post was first published the first week of August, 2014 by the federal government’s blog Disability.gov.  To date it has had over 1,500 hits. As a Marriage & Family Therapist with multiple sclerosis, I write for Disability.gov, my own blog, and others like it, getting the opportunity to be a source of strength for people and their families. That’s why I was surprised when one organization denied my professional […]

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BEING HAPPY

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  If you’re allergic to dogs, happiness is not a warm puppy. Metaphors about puppies, or anything else, are potentially dangerous.  Even knowing where happiness — like any other emotion — occurs on the emotional spectrum doesn’t give the whole story. The only way to really know about someone else’s happiness is for you to ask and them to tell. Thinking in deep and different ways about happiness isn’t easy.  Here […]

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WHEN A CAREGIVER DIES

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    First published on Disability.gov For 70 years she put up with his (sometimes volcanic) rumblings.  He doted on her with diamonds, and was a poorer father for it. The youngest of 5 much older siblings, she was babied into being passive and timid.  He was a blustering bad boy who loved control; a lifelong natural at most things mechanical.  He took seriously his duties as a man, a spouse, […]

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3 WORDS MEN HATE TO HEAR

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  Women, can you think of the last time your man brought up something that bugged him about you? Maybe it was that you talked to your friends too much, your mother too much, or him too much. But unless really, really pushed – like during an argument – men aren’t usually relationship-complainers; at least mine isn’t. It’s not that women do more talking than men – that truism got […]

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THEY DON’T HAVE SEX FANTASIES

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The other day I was talking with a friend whose two children were going through predictable stuff – the yuckiness of the opposite sex, trouble with Social Studies, and the usual overload of growing up in a fast-paced world. The kids’ world was a whirlwind of soccer, the mall, computers, friends, dance, and school.  My  friend monitored sleep-overs, made it a point to know other kids’ parents, and whenever possible attended […]

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NO CURE FOR THIS PAIN

In a blend of contradictory emotions – from ecstasy to torture – human beings repeatedly demonstrate an addiction to love much the same as an addiction to, say, nicotine or cocaine. That’s not surprising, since the same reward circuitry in the brain reinforces both.   Feeling good comes from neuro- and biochemicals, too, like oxytocin and seratonin. Love’s intense longing and pining are singularly human and serve an evolutionary purpose:  no […]

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